


river flows in you.

by sugarhyuck



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospital, I tried ok, M/M, attempted humor, basically LMEYP but markhyuck, death were mentioned, donghyuck is bad at science, that cliche high school teenager, there's slight making out in the end, unresolved love tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 13:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17919596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarhyuck/pseuds/sugarhyuck
Summary: Donghyuck opened the book and showed him a page. The sentences are written on the book with a glittery yellow ink. It says;Things to do before I die:1.	Get a tattoo.2.	Score at least 80 on my science exam.3.	Overnight trip to the south.4.	Do things I shouldn’t do with a boy that isn’t my boyfriend.5.	Rob a bank.“So, what this has to do with me?” he asked.“You are the one that going to make it all happen.”or, where Mark just wants a normal high-school life but instead got himself tangled into the way of his bright and obnoxious deskmate, Lee Donghyuck's life to fulfill his wishes. Though he knew how it would end, falling in love along the way was surely not the best idea of all.





	river flows in you.

**Author's Note:**

> this is unproofed and unbeta-ed, so forgive me with the grammar and other mistakes. enjoy!

The first day of Senior High School isn’t always as fun as they said, Mark realized the moment he stepped inside the freshly painted foreign classroom and heard a loud, mental laughter from the other side of the class. It was when he saw Donghyuck Lee, a super witty and obnoxious boy from his Junior High School laughing over something he couldn’t and wouldn’t know. He sighed and dropped his bag onto his table. As if noticing his presence, from the other side, Donghyuck winked to him sultrily and he returned the gesture with grimace.

So much for the first day.

The thing is, no, they are not and totally would never be behind the label of ‘friend’. Heck, they didn’t even ever talk to each other—that’s not true because when on the first time Mark entered the class freshly after he moved out from Canada, he sat beside Donghyuck and the boy’s first greeting was in a playful and teasing tone, “so... Mwork Lee from Canada, huh?” Mark ignored the boy and opened his book—but yeah, they are not friend. They are… acquaintances.

But turns out the god was on his side and the day got better when he found himself seated with a super chill—and not to mention handsome— Jeno Lee and his wide smile that rivaled the sun. Coincidently, they shared the same interest in basketball and dodging people. The meeting ended with a promise to enroll into the club together later on the break time. Sitting in front of him is Huang Renjun, an exchange student from China that seems to be civil and more to pretty than handsome the first time you saw him, but ultimately the worst nightmare; Mark realized by the time lunch rolled in and Renjun put Jeno in a chokehold for stealing the boy’s fish cake.

The luck, however, doesn’t last long and Mark is a hundred and one percent sure God were punishing him for his past rebellious action on his young years because apparently Renjun is friend with the Donghyuck, which of course, classically ended with the four of them eating their crappy school lunch on one table. From his side, Donghyuck laughed happily seeing Jeno gasping for air like a fish and slapping Renjun’s arm on his neck.

“Hey, Mwork…” suddenly, a voice brushed on his right ear, sending shivers to his body and made him jumped in surprise. “Are you going to eat your pudding or not?” when he turned, he found Donghyuck’s face in such a close distance that both of their nose almost brushed to each other. He coughed awkwardly and pulled himself back, face getting red in a matter of second. Renjun snickered from across his seat.

“Um… no. you could have it.” Mark replied, voice quiet and Donghyuck beamed at it. The boy took his pudding and shoved it into his mouth happily. “And for the record, it’s Mark, not… Mwork.” He added brilliantly.

Jeno laughed, clutching into Renjun as the Chinese snorted loudly this time. Donghyuck was unfazed and keep munching on his food. “Okay, Mwork.”

But really, Mark couldn’t even believe himself for saying this; Donghyuck is actually not that bad. Sure, the wittiness and his annoying playful jokes is still around, but as the time goes by, Mark started to see Donghyuck in a different manner. Turns out, Donghyuck is very good at Math and really sucks at Science—no, really. The boy didn’t even know the difference between gravity and attraction. He prefers art and classes that has numbers than ones that includes too much theory and words. In two weeks, Donghyuck permanently claimed the seat beside him and kicked Jeno out to Renjun’s side.

By the time autumn rolled in, he had Donghyuck’s number on the second speed dial—the first one was his mom—and is getting comfortable enough to absentmindedly placed his hand on Donghyuck’s thigh. Half of semester later, Donghyuck granted a full permission to enter his scarce bedroom that no one mustly and absolutely aren’t allowed to enter because,

“The fuck is this red velvet poster doing here?” the boy asked the moment he entered Mark’s room. The owner groaned and plopped himself to the bed. Maybe the idea of teaching Donghyuck the anatomy of humans isn’t a really good idea.

“Shut up.” Mark shoot back. Donghyuck laughed and sat on the edge of Mark’s desk. He picked up a photo frame from the side and caressed the small boy on the picture.

“is this you?” he asked. Mark eyed the frame on Donghyuck’s hand and hummed. Donghyuck whipped his gaze to Mark and snickered. “You look like shit.” Mark threw him a pillow and the boy’s laughter were heard to the first floor of Mark’s empty house.

Somewhere along the way when Mark was busy explaining the part of human’s breathing vital to Donghyuck, the boy zoned off and stared emptily at the book. Mark noticed the lack of sarcastic comments from the other boy and looked up. He noticed how Donghyuck had three moles scattered on his face, one on his neck. He began notice how glowing Donghyuck’s tan skin when it was hit with the golden lights peeking behind his curtains and how bad he wanted to touch the burning skin. When he got his sense back, he cursed inwardly because, _what the fuck_. He blamed the rosy pink burst on his cheek to the ten-hour school time.

Mark closed the book a little bit too hard that Donghyuck jumped a little on his seat, eyes turning curiously at Mark. He coughed a bit and threw his gaze away from the boy. “I think that’s enough for today.”

Donghyuck nodded and began closing his books. “yeah, I thought so.”

When the sun rolled down and night came, Mark walked Donghyuck to the nearest bus shelter in silence after the boy had denied his offer to drive him home. Their silent steps echoed louder than it supposed to be but neither of the two even cared. Their hands brushed to each other’s pretty often Mark felt like he is going insane.

“You don’t really need to walk me you know.” Donghyuck said in such a soft tone that Mark almost didn’t catch it. He frowned at that. “I want to, hyuck.” The boy hid his smiled on the back of his coat.

As the shelter getting nearer, Mark catch Donghyuck’s hand and turned the boy around. “Hey hyuck.”

“Huh?” Donghyuck tilted his head to the side, signaling Mark to continue.

For a moment, Mark fidgeted on his spot, unsure about what to say. “Um… so tomorrow is my first game, suppose you knew. Are you going to be there?”

Donghyuck hesitated for a moment and Mark took the hint as he slowly let Donghyuck’s wrist go, but Donghyuck smiled at him and nodded. “Sure. How could I miss it?” Mark smiled and patted Donghyuck’s tussled hair. After they bid each other goodbye, Mark skipped his way back happily and Donghyuck laughed from his seat on the bus.

But Donghyuck didn’t came to his game the next day. He also wasn’t on his seat on the class. When the lunch time came, there’s only three of them on the cafeteria’s table and the seat next to Mark is empty, chocolate pudding on his tray remained untouched. “Maybe he is sick. He shall be back soon. Don’t worry too much.” Renjun suggested helpfully, and Mark stared at his phone, message empty and left unread.

The next day and a week after, Donghyuck still didn’t show his face on the school and even Renjun began to worry. Neither of them knew Donghyuck’s address and their texts remained unanswered. Mark stared at the sunny skies outside his classroom window and sighed to practically no one.

 

_

 

**Johnny**

C _an you bring me a_

_pair of clothes or two to_

_the hospital? I need to stay_

_here for a couple days._

 

That was the first text his brother sent to him on a peaceful Saturday morning. Mark grunted on his bed and rolled on the mattress all over again before forcing himself to rose and get himself ready. He packed his brother’s clothes and more than needed unnecessary things into a bag, and drove to the city’s hospital. Johnny’s boyfriend, Ten, was hospitalized out of a severe low blood pressure a couple days ago. Mark visited him on last Thursday, with a flower bouquet and a get well soon card. When he stepped into the hospital, Mark faintly scented a smell of air-borne sickness and chlorine, a reminder why he hated the place.

He sat himself on one of the chair on the lobby and waited for his brother to get down, since he couldn’t enter Ten’s room anymore for the prevention sake. He zoned out, staring at the passing nurses and patients before his eyes landed on a familiar mop of chestnut hair on the aisle across. Before he could even register the memory, a hand catches his wrist. “Mark! There you are.”

When he turned back, Johnny were smiling at him. Tiredness showed on the eye bag under his eyes. “Thank you so much. Sorry for troubling you, I couldn’t really go hom- ”

Mark abruptly shoved the bag into his brother’s hand. “Yeah, sure man. It’s cool. But I got to go. Don’t skip your meals!”

“Where are you going?” Johnny screamed the moment he picked his heels to run. He waved without turning his head. “Catch you later!” Johnny stared confusedly at his brother’s back that were slowly out of his vision and shook his head. “Teenagers.” He muttered and flinged the bag on his shoulder.

Mark ran and ran through the seemingly unending aisle with a faint smell of alcohol only to found himself ended on the hospital’s park. He pushed the glass door and whipped his head left to right, trying to find the familiar figure but to no avail, he only found an old man on his wheelchair staring emptily at the city’s landscape. He sighed, disappointment lacing on his breath. He was about to go back when a tap on his shoulder made him jumped. “Jesus! Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck laughed seeing his antics. “Mark, what are you doing here?”

That was the moment when Mark realized that Donghyuck was clad in patient’s clothes. the white and blue material was contrast to the boy glowing skin, but it was pale when Mark whipped his gaze to Donghyuck’s face. The infusion was pierced on Donghyuck’s left hand and he clutched on the silver pole that hanged the solution as if hanging his life altogether. “Mark?” Donghyuck asked again, snapping Mark out of his daze.

“Huh? Oh yeah right!” Mark slapped his forehead to regain his composure. “Um, I brought my brother some things. What about you? Why are you here? Are you sick?”

“Is your brother okay?” Donghyuck asked back, Mark frowned at the reply. “Yes he is fine, but you haven’t answered my question yet. Are you okay, hyuck?”

Donghyuck pulled him to seat on the park’s bench, seems tired for standing too long. Mark was utterly confused because they didn’t even stand for that long but his second on dial speed deskmate was already limping when he thrifted his way. The boy smiled softly before it flattered and he looked on his left wrist and hang it in front of Mark’s face. “As you guess, I’m sick.”

“You should’ve replied to my texts, or Renjun’s. We were worried to death.” Mark informed.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I left my phone at my house. Beside, my doctor advised me to not play with that thing too much. It makes my head dizzy.” Donghyuck laughed shortly at that.

Mark placed his hand on Donghyuck’s thigh—absentmindedly, not in purpose—and rubbed it in a comforting pattern. He noticed how Donghyuck lost the sparkle on his eyes and the gloomy air surrounded on the top of his dishelved hair. “What happened?”

The sun kissed boy turned his face to him and tried to smile. “I’m sick.” But the smile flattered not too long after. Mark frowned confusedly. “You should’ve told me. I will copy down my notes for you.”

Donghyuck hummed in gratefulness and whipped his gaze to the landscape. “Thanks, but you don’t really need to. It’s useless.”

“Hey, I mean it. It’s not like you’re going to die tomorrow.” He tried to joke, but Donghyuck remained unmoved on his place. The silence that fell over them began to feel disturbing that Mark had to placed one of his hand on the boy’s shoulder and squeezed it lightly. “Donghyuck?”

“I’m going to die, Mark.”

By the time he was seven and watched how his dad passed away on his death bed, Mark knew he was sensitive to the topic. It took him eight weeks to let it away. When the sentence was thrown, that exact moment, Mark felt his heart beating twice faster than it should. The hand on Donghyuck’s shoulder fell as Mark tried to fought back the foreign feeling on his heart. “Hyuck, we’re humans. We’re going to die sooner or later.”

“No, Mark,” Donghyuck sighed. “I’m going to die. Like, die. You know. Maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after. I don’t know.” His voice trembled on the end of sentence.

Mark took Donghyuck’s hand on his grip and rubbed the thumb. “There’s something you didn’t tell me.” He said, confirming more than asking. Donghyuck nodded his head, fluffy hair fell on his forehead.

“I’m… sick. It’s a scary illness, my doctor said. I mean, I could be dumb on science but I know enough.” Donghyuck chuckled, tried to joke about the situation but it only made his heart clenched even more. “And I don’t have much time left, that’s also what my doctor said. I’m planning to let none of you guys know about this, but I guess fate has its own way.” He added, voice getting hoarse every time the seconds tick.

Mark remained silent on his place, unsure and confused at the same time. He felt foreign and distant from his sanity, but a voice on his mind is telling him to be stronger for the boy who outshone the sun. He wasn’t brave, and wasn’t selfish either. So he didn’t ask or pushed the matter down and painted a smile, bringing Donghyuck’s frozen knuckle that was contrasted to his warm hands to his lips and kissed it. Donghyuck flinched in surprise and turned his head to Mark.

“Let’s figure this out together.” His best friend said, and Donghyuck finally smiled, beautifully.

Six days of an empty seat beside him later, Mark rushed his step out from the class once the bell rang, books forgotten and pens fell sadly to the floor. He left the screaming Renjun and confused Jeno and ran to his car with a promise of texting them later. He didn’t tell them about Donghyuck, per se the boy’s request and didn’t mention the encounter at the hospital either. He let a week worth of his chocolate pudding left untouched as well.

When he arrived, he greeted Donghyuck’s parents and helped them to carry the boy’s belonging to his trunk. Donghyuck whispered ‘thanks for fetching me’ from the seat beside him and they drove back to Donghyuck’s home, leaving the smell of air-borne sickness and chlorine behind the fresh air of summer.

_

 

“So it goes like this-”

Mark continued to munched his chocolate chip cookie—bless Donghyuck’s mom for baking it—as he eyed Donghyuck who was busy doing only god knows what with his notebook. They were in said boy’s bedroom that smelled like summer breeze and he seated—more like splayed his body on Donghyuck’s bed—Donghyuck was on the floor. “I wrote everything on this book. I called it ‘Diary of the sick kick’.”

Mark spurted out his orange juice, some of it hit Donghyuck’s face. He laughed breathily and passed the boy a tissue, muttering a small sorry between the laughter. “So much for creativity.” He commented later.

“Shut up and listen.” Donghyuck bit back. Mark nodded playfully and grinned. “This book contains my journey. No one ever read it, and no, you’re not going to read it either. But I have an idea! It’s super brilliant!”

Mark moved forward and sneaked at the book. “Enlighten me.”

Donghyuck opened the book and showed him a page. The sentences are written on the book with a glittery yellow ink. On the right corner, there’s a drawing of a sun with a smiley face. it says;

Things to do before I die:

  1. Get a tattoo.
  2. Score at least 80 on my science exam.
  3. Overnight trip to the south.
  4. Do things I shouldn’t do with a boy that isn’t my boyfriend.
  5. Rob a bank.



 

Mark crossed the fifth immediately and Donghyuck laughed. “Easy to imagine, but what the fourth means?” he asked.

Donghyuck pulled the loose string on his sweater and answered in a shaky voice, “You will know along the way.”  Mark shrugged.

“So, what this has to do with me?” he asked as he took another bit of the chocolate chip cookie.

The hue of orange sky outside the window turned into a purplish tint, a clue for some souls to make it back home. Donghyuck grinned and pulled his head up, facing Mark. The distance between their face is so close Mark almost could count the boy’s eyelashes from it. Their breath collides with each other and Mark prayed to all the god above for an old friend to not make their appearance on his cheek.

“You are the one that going to make it all happen.”

 

_

 

“By the way, Mark.”

“Hm?”

“Sorry for not coming to your first game. I bet you were really upset about it.”

“Don’t worry, I still dunked three times even without your presence.”

 

_

 

 

On the first semester of his Second-High School year, Mark proudly earned the Student Council President position, replacing the previous honorable senior, Jung Jaehyun. Another fortunate thing is all four of them were admitted to the same class and once again fell to a steady pace of their bond.

The most extreme change on their friendship circle was the moment when Renjun and Jeno gained themselves an exclusive relationship aka dating each other. Donghyuck threw a fit as he called them disgusting and threaten to slit their throat if they act gross in front of him, which of course, earned him a headlock from Renjun and a burning scalp. Mark simply congratulate both of them and patted Jeno on the shoulder. But other than that, there’s nothing really bizarre happened.

Oh, Donghyuck also burned his science notes out of an ‘accident’ as the boy said, but Mark has moved on from that.

“…the way to show or prove equation of x axis as y is o. Now…” Mark slapped the back of Donghyuck’s head lightly when he saw him falling into a sleep, eyes slowly closing out of boredsome and the said boy screamed out a dramatic “Ouch!”, resulting in all their classmate to turned their head to them and earned a look from their math teacher, Mr. Byun.

“Is there anything wrong, Donghyuck?” the boy grinned playfully and popped his mouth. “Nope, sir. All good all fine.” Mr. Byun turned back again to the board and continued the lesson.

Mark leaned closer to Donghyuck’s side and whispered, not wanting any unwanted attention or even worse, a detention from disturbing the class’ peace. “Stop falling asleep on math class, would you?” Donghyuck pouted on that. “Not my fault this class is boring.”

“But still, you could’ve pretend to respect your teacher.” Mark said as he slapped the back of Donghyuck’s skull again, which earned him a playful fist on the shoulder.

“Shut up. Did he even know how many times he had repeated the same formula of-“ before Donghyuck could even finish his sentence, a ruler banged on their desk and echoed loudly on the classroom. When both whipped their gaze, Mr. Byun stared at them as he pushed his glasses up to his nose bridge, lips twitching in annoyance.

“Mark Lee, Donghyuck Lee, detention!”

Renjun snickered on the other side as Mark sighed tiredly. Donghyuck just smiled—a little bit too happy for someone that just got kicked out by his teacher—and skipped to the door, bouncing on his steps. Mark followed soon after he bowed to their teacher.

“I really, really hate you.” He said to Donghyuck as he scrubbed hard on the bathroom’s floor, which Donghyuck shoot back with, “I love you too, Mwork.”

 

_

 

Donghyuck sulked pitifully on the library seat, making faces mark never seen before. He pouted and frowned and scowled and he pouted and repeated the routine until Mark felt like he could taste the bitterness radiating from the boy’s presence. He placed the last book onto the shelf and made his way to the sad boy. When he was near, he ruffled the sunshine’s hair and took a place beside him. “I know you were waiting for me to ask.” He laughed. “What’s wrong hyuck?”

The boy turned his head and Mark saw the most pitiful yet endearing face in his entire life and he wished he could kiss the- okay what? The Canadian hit his head to regained the sense that left him while Donghyuck stared weirdly.

“Are you mental? I should be the one that mental here. Oh my god I can’t believe I failed my science exam again! God lord if you are there please show yourself and take my life now.” The younger exclaimed dramatically, and because Mark is sensitive to the topic, he smacked the back of Donghyuck’s head and shushed him.

“that’s what you get from being so lazy.”

He expected Donghyuck to sulked, to hit him, or to cursed, but Donghyuck did neither of all. Instead, the younger scooted closer and shoot him the saddest puppy eyes he could make. “Maybe, if you teach me about it, I wouldn’t fail the test.” Which, Mark replied with a stern “No. Nope. Not going to happen again.”

“But Markkkk.”

Mark hit the back of Donghyuck’s skull again, now with a book. “What kind of cell that fights the bacteria inside our body?” he quizzed. Donghyuck seems to be thinking for a while before his face lighted up. “A blood cell!”

“What color?” Mark asked again. The younger face fell once again and he frowned. The answer, “Um… green?” rewarded him another hit and a disappointed expression on his deskmate’s face.

“Donghyuck, we’ve been over this one for ten times.” Mark sighed. Donghyuck frowned deeper, rummaging through his memories and tried to find the file ‘science’ on his mind. “Oh! It must be the blue cells!” he blurted out happily.

The lunch bell rang and Mark, helplessly, stared at his dumb friend and drop the topic before he went nut. He pulled Donghyuck out from his chair on the library and paved their way to the cafeteria. He sat the boy while he proceeds to get their lunch. Donghyuck gave his card to him and when he came back, Renjun and Jeno were busy fighting over a piece of meat without realizing that Donghyuck sneakily ate it. He snickered as he pushed a tray to Donghyuck’s side and shushed the lover.

The lunch, not really surprisingly, went really hectic. Insert; Donghyuck and Renjun throwing rice at each other and Jeno spilled his milk all over the table. But that’s just how they worked, though Mark wished he could have at least one sane friend, he still thankful for the show that made his stomach hurt from too much laughing.

Donghyuck peeked over his tray and leaned closer to his best friend. “I’m going to eat that.” He pointed at the chocolate pudding on Mark’s tray. The older nodded wordlessly and averted his attention back to Jeno who was busy story telling about how their Basketball Coach Na fell and sprained his ankle when he demonstrated how to dunk.

 

_

 

"You shouldn't be drawing on that card. It's a violation against the rule." Mark slapped the back of Donghyuck’s skull with a 567-page book with a boldly written ‘Anatomy’ on its cover. Donghyuck let out a yelp and slapped Mark’s hand away.

"Loosen up, Canada."

 _The Canada_ , laughed and plopped himself onto the chair beside. He pushed the anatomy book to Donghyuck’s side and took the novel on the boy’s hand. “Le petit prince? Really?” he snickered. From the front part of the library, a freshman named Jisung,--the current librarian—shushed them. Mark smiled apologetically and push Donghyuck’s head down to bow.

This must be the stupidest decision Mark ever made on his entire life, and he is more than a hundred percent sure that he will regret this soon. But he was defeated the moment Donghyuck threw his most pitiful eyes and hand clasped together in front of his chest, begging Mark to teach him about the human’s anatomy for the upcoming exam. Mark slapped the boy’s forehead and told him, “Library, every day after school.”

“I know right, my style is so good.” Donghyuck snickered back with the most annoying grin hanging on his lips. Mark nudged him. “The style could be better if you could at least score 75 on the exam.” And they fell into a steady silence.

Fifty pages and twenty unanswered question later, Donghyuck bumped his head on the library’s desk, catching some students’ attention from the table across and distract Mark’s attention from the history revolution book he was reading.

“Mark, I gave up. I don’t care about it anymore. That old snarky Mrs. Bae could give me 10 on my exam and I wouldn’t give any shit about that.” He declared. Mark chuckled seeing his antics and rubbed the younger’s fluffy chestnut locks. He pulled the book to the center and ticked his pen on Donghyuck’s forehead. “Come, I will help you.”

And the routine goes on for a week after that. They reviewed the part of Human’s heart for twenty times on Tuesday and Mark slapped the pen that doodled on the library’s book on Thursday. He wasn’t sure if it because Donghyuck is naturally smart or a fast-learner, but the boy managed to get eight out of ten questions right on his first trial. Mark chuckled in amusement. _What a boy full of surprise_ , he thought to himself as he eyed Donghyuck who was busy annoying the hell out of Jisung on the front desk.

On Friday, Donghyuck came home with a red mark of ‘86’ on his test paper. He crossed the number _2\. Score at least 80 on my science exam_ from his _Diary of the sick kick_ and called Mark with such an excitement, Mark had to tell him to slow down. When he was done ranting, the older laughed as he congratulated him and told Donghyuck that he did a good job. Donghyuck promised the Canadian a treat for his lesson and his time. After settling on Sunday, he went to a deep slumber with a wide smile and dreamt about nothing but Mark’s smile and his breathy laughter.

But Sunday came and Mark spent the weekend beside Donghyuck’s hospital bed, throwing jokes with hope to lighten the thick air that lingered on the ward. Donghyuck, with oxygen mask on his nose, cannula on his arm, and electrocardiograph beeping on the table beside, laughed shortly through his lips and squeezed Mark’s hand tighter, indicating his need for help and hope for a better day ahead.

 

_

 

The gimbap and eggroll his mom made for dinner didn’t sit right on his tongue when he bit on it. His ears catch on a glimpse of Johnny’s story about how he managed to attended his civil law class five second before the time, but he paid a little close to no attention on the tale. He gave up munching on his rice and excused himself from the table. Mrs. Lee eyed him worriedly but didn’t say anything. Johnny didn’t either and continued about how his professor accidently played a clip of cats on the class projector.

Five days of empty seat beside, five days of not seeing Donghyuck. He closed his bedroom door slowly and plopped his face to the freshly changed mattress and screamed his frustration out. Donghyuck was transferred to the ICU on Monday morning and no one has a permission to enter the room. Mark often found himself standing on the room’s front in hope for Donghyuck to suddenly come out and threw a playful fist to his shoulder. Like the old dream of impossible things he ever wished for, the hope never turned into a reality.

When his phone buzzed, he was expecting Renjun screaming at him about how stupid Jeno is or Jeno whining at him for Renjun being mean, but his heart dropped when he saw Donghyuck’s number on the screen. He tripped over the blanket when he rushly picked his phone from the old wooden table and fell to the floor. “Oh- shit. Hey hyuck.”

From the other side, the boy chuckled. “Hey mwork. Miss me that much?”

“Not really. How are you feeling?” Mark clutched the phone between his ear and shoulder. He went to locked his door and plopped himself on the chair. His own hand brushed over the cover of his math book and he groaned when he remembers the homework of algorithm that was left untouched.

“I feel like shit. Are you okay there?”

“I should be the one asking that.” Mark groaned again. Donghyuck frowned at his place. “Mark, are you jacking off while on the phone with me?”

Upon hearing the question, Mark choked on his own saliva and coughed brutally. “No Donghyuck, what the fuck.” Donghyuck laughed on the receiver. “I’m not a pervert.” He added.

They go on talking about how Donghyuck were back to his ward after being on the ICU for 4 days and feeling even more like shit after. Mark took his turn to told the younger about how Renjun cried on the school’s yard for failing his historic exam-which mark failed as well. Donghyuck snickered and told him to tell Renjun that the Chinese sucks.

On his bed, Donghyuck groaned and sat himself. “Come over.” He said to the phone. Mark didn’t have to be told twice to changed his pajama bottom onto ripped jeans and pulled his black hoodie over his head. He rushed downstairs and kissed his mom’s cheek before settling on his Hyundai and stepped on the pedal as hard as he can.

“I don’t believe you just cut my call like that!” Donghyuck exclaimed when he steps into the boy’s ward. The oxygen mask was no longer needed for him, but the cannula was still there. Mark smiled and sat himself beside the bed. “You are the one that always said ‘No drive and phone’” He mimicked Donghyuck’s high-pitched voice.

The younger threw a weak punch on his shoulder. “Thank you for coming. It felt so quiet here I almost went nut.”

“Don’t bat it. You know I’m just one call away.” He comforted the boy, who gave a thankful hum as a response.

An hour later, when they were run out of conversation, Donghyuck happily demanded for them to play Truth or Dare, which Mark gritted back with, “What are you? Five?” but agreed nonetheless.

“Okay,” Donghyuck linked his arm on top of his leg and grinned. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.” Mark answered. Donghyuck was seen thinking on his place for a moment. “Have you had your first kiss yet?”

From his place, Mark shook his head. Donghyuck dramatically inhaled and whispered, “Our Canadian Mark is a virgin!” which gifted him a pillow on his face.

“My turn. Truth or Dare?”

“Truth.”

And the game went on for hours. Mark heard the weirdest question from the younger such as ‘if you were animal, would you be kind or rude?’ or ‘What inanimate object do you wish you could eliminate from existence?’ of course, Mark is not dumb enough to choose Dare when he was playing with the devil itself. It’s like asking hell for fire.

“Dare!” Donghyuck proudly choose when it was his turn. Mark stared at him, thinking about what kind of dare he could give to the younger in this kind of state. He kept thinking about it until Donghyuck snickered that he could hear his brain talking.

“I dare you to get well as soon as you can and go back eating my pudding on lunch time.”

The silence fell once again and Mark lowered down his head on embrassement. Donghyuck watched his deskmate in an amusement glint on his eyes and lit up like the stars on the lonely night sky. “Okay.” He answered. “My turn. Truth or Dare?”

The older shifted his gaze from his sneakers to Donghyuck’s eyes, contemplating for a while before answering, “Dare.”

“Let’s run away.”

Mark would have choked on his drink if he was drinking right now, but he didn’t. instead, his pupils grew bigger and he stared at Donghyuck as if he grew two head. “You must be out of your mind.”

“No, Mark. I mean it. Let’s get out of here and do something before I run out of time. We still have four uncrossed list on my book.”

The older huffed from his place. “three.” He said, virtually crossing the option _rob a bank_ on his mind. Donghyuck laughed, sweet and fresh like the summer breeze. “Okay three.”

Running out from the hospital wasn’t the hardest thing to do, Mark wrote it on his mind for future lesson. Donghyuck changed his patient gown into his usual clothes that were stored on the wardrobe and both walked out of the hospital like one of them wasn’t just inhaling IV by his veins. The front office, of course didn’t noticed that one of their patient were walking put in front of their eyes. They didn’t really paid attention actually.

Six The 1975’s songs later, they found themselves munching on McDonald’s burger on the food chain’s parking lot and laughed over something stupid about dragon coming out from Mark’s mouth. Phones long forgotten on the back seat as Donghyuck singed along to ‘Sincerity is scary’ playing on the radio, Mark keeping his hands on the wheel and smiled all along.

“I want to get a tattoo.” Donghyuck whispered to no one. And because that was exactly what’s the number 1 on the list, Mark phoned his long-cousin, Taeyong, and informed the artist that they would come to his 24-hour tattoo studio. Donghyuck exclaimed happily and shouted “MARK IS THE BEST!” outside the window.

But maybe that wasn’t a really good idea, because when the blade pierced to his skin and Donghyuck could only clutched to Mark’s hoodie, he regretted ever decision he ever made. He cursed lightly and slapped a part of Mark’s reachable hips, the other groaned in response. Taeyong, from his eye, were entertained by how Donghyuck over dramatizing the situation. Really, it was just a small tattoo on his wrist yet he acted like the world was being torn in front of him.

“Okay, okay. All done.” He announced to the pair after wrapping the fresh art with a plastic. Mark scooted closer and pulled Donghyuck’s wrist to his eye. Donghyuck mirrored the gesture, eyeing the small sun drawing on his wrist. Their head bumped to each other on the process.

“That’s super cute.” The younger commented, eyes welling with happy tears as he whipped his gaze to the artist. “Thank you so much. It means a lot to me.” From behind, Mark patted his hair. Taeyong was taken aback for a second, before painting a smile on his lips and nodded. He freed both teenager from the bill and bid his goodbye to the two when the clock hit 3 a.m.

Somewhere along the way back to the hospital, Mark found himself staring at the half asleep Donghyuck. the sound of tire grazing the concrete is enough to keep him awake, and the loud beat of his own heart when he touched the burning part of Donghyuck’s skin was so alluring. “Why the sun?” he had asked.

“Because I didn’t see them much lately.” Donghyuck said in a hoarse voice, like a reminder of the shadow looming his warm heart and fragile body.

 

_

 

When he was seven, his great great uncle and his aunts always told him to dream big, because dreams do come true in the end. Mark had his own nightmares sometimes. It ranged from a simple scene such as Donghyuck on his bed, laughing through the oxygen mask and hands linked together on the side. On the extreme side was Donghyuck’s cold body inside the casket, that were always enough to jolted him awake out of surprise and fear. He wakes up to a dark ceiling and a heart that threaten to stop any moment he took a faltering breath.

Perhaps, people often forgot that bad dream is also a dream.

When the late semester of his second year of high school rolled in, Donghyuck dropped out of the school and the seat beside him was taken by a loud-funny classmate, Wong Yukhei. Renjun and Jeno cornered him on the toilet at break time and demanded an explanation for the reason they haven’t seen the boy lately. Mark dodge the two and made his run to the secluded art room on the unused school building and phoned Donghyuck.

“What should I say to them?” he whispered to the receiver. From the line, Donghyuck coughed.

“Just bring them here and I will explain it.”

So he did. When the school was over, he pulled the lover to the backseat of his car and drove to the now familiar building on the center of the town, ignoring Renjun’s constant question and Jeno’s pleads to get some food. He pushed the two into Donghyuck’s room and closed the door behind. “Already time for you to come, I guess.” Donghyuck said from his bed, spoon hanging on the air.

Renjun, being the most clueless one, surged forward and cupped Donghyuck’s face on his hand. He examined the boy’s feature and winced. “What happened to you? Why are you so thin? Oh my god why didn’t you tell me you brat!” he picked the spoon out of Donghyuck’s fingers and bribed it to the boy’s mouth. Jeno scooted closer to the bed and patted Donghyuck’s shoulder. “How you feeling?”

Donghyuck swallowed the porridge on his mouth. “Just fine. No, Renjun wait-“ another spoonful forcefully entered his mouth. Mark laughed from the sofa and Jeno stopped his boyfriend from killing the sick boy. “Okay, Injun, that’s enough.”

“But on the serious note, what happened?” The silver haired boy asked his friend. Donghyuck sipped the water from his glass and handed it to Renjun when he done. “I’m sick.”

“I know you are sick! But why didn’t you tell us?” the Chinese huffed from the side, threatening to pour the rest of the water to Donghyuck’s face.

“because I know you would react like this.”

From the corner, mark eyed how Jeno’s face fell as the boy took a seat on Donghyuck’s bed. “Still, hyuck, you should have told us. Injun almost went frantic when he heard you were dropping out from school. Not to mention that Yukhei is loud as fuck I couldn’t hear whatever the teachers said!”

Renjun took a seat on the sofa with Mark, seemingly to have calmed down a little as he twirled the loose string on his sweater paws, lips tight in line. Donghyuck saw it and immediately felt sorry. “I’m really sorry, guys. I don’t want any of you to be worry, that’s why I didn’t say anything. Mark found out by accident and I was the one that told him to keep it. I’m really sorry.”

The smallest boy on the room nodded his head in silence, seemingly found the tiles was more attractive than the tight situation. Mark rubbed on his nape comfortingly. Jeno, who picked up his boyfriend’s guilty emotion for being upset to the sick boy, told Donghyuck that it’s fine, at least they knew now. After the situation died down and Donghyuck seems a little bit brighter after joking with Jeno, Renjun scooted closer to the bed and apologized for being a brat. The tanned boy pulled the smaller one on his embrace and ensure that it was okay.

“Now that the situation is clear and I don’t have to put up with Renjun’s nagging, how about we grab some dinner? I bet Donghyuck is sick with the crappy hospital’s food.” Mark suggested after a certain episode of his favorite drama on the TV ended. Jeno told him that he and Renjun would buy some food so Mark could stay with Donghyuck. The boy in bed specifically requested a “super spicy tteokbokki in front of our school!” which earned him a slapped on his head.

After the two’s departure, Mark turned his heel to the bed and sat down on the side. He brushed off Donghyuck’s auburn bangs and felt a burning skin underneath. “It must be hard for you. I’m sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’m used to it.”

“You shouldn’t have gotten used to thing like this, hyuck.” The older answered. Donghyuck hummed and opened his previously closed eyes, lost in thought. “That’s the thing about fate, Mark. I’m destined for this, I’m powerless.”

Renjun and Jeno came back an hour later with some fried chicken and jjangmyeon, which earned a groan from Donghyuck for not buying his food. Jeno slapped his forehead and told him to get well soon if he wants to eat the spicy food that bad, which Donghyuck retorted with, “Fuck off.” Room full of laughter, heart full of happiness, Mark wished time would stop to last him the beautiful memory on his life.

“We should go somewhere this break. I’m so fed up with school.” Jeno supplied in between the hectic dinner, which were welcomed by loud cheer from Renjun and a nodded head from Mark. Donghyuck remained on his bed, feeling content to be surrounded by his friends and decided to flow like the water in the river.

“Would that be okay with you?” Mark asked after the lover had gone home, Renjun clutched into Donghyuck like he was afraid the boy would be gone Jeno had to pulled him away.

“My doctor said I could go out for a day or two if my test result is fine.”

“Then it settled.”

Thus, the days of busy school days continued for the three. Mark often stared at the seat that now being occupied by someone else in his between class and wondering why it felt so cold while the summer is there. He didn’t’ really slapped anyone’s head anymore in Math class and left his chocolate pudding left untouched every lunch. He failed his history exam on Thursday and went home with an empty feeling.

As the exam is approaching, Mark stopped visiting the hospital regularly, but found himself staring at his book, taking notes after notes of Joseon Dynasty revolution until his hand went numb, eyes heavy. He and Donghyuck found a comfortable pace of Friday night call to filled the empty chance of meeting each other. The older would talked about how Mr. Byun fucked up his studies and how the Fish cake on his lunch tasted salty. From the other side. Donghyuck would snorted and told Mark that his test result came out well.

Once the exam was over and the holiday came, the four boys went to the south beach with Jeno’s red Musso and trunk full of unhealthy snacks. Renjun would played his super weird playlist consisting some old Chinese songs and a couple Joji’s track, before Donghyuck put him in a chokehold from the back seat and demanded him to change it. Mark busied himself on his phone, one hand looped on Donghyuck’s waist as the boy leaned closer on his shoulder and fell asleep not too long after.

It was a two day one-night beachside kind of trip. Renjun’s parents—which is oddly kind and rich enough—paid to all the expenses of their holiday, Mark almost got down on his knee after seeing the receipt. Renjun asked them to don’t bat an eye on it and just enjoy the vacation. The oldest bought along his camera and snapped a picture of sleeping Donghyuck for blackmail material.

He didn’t even had time to admire the beauty of the ocean, because once the car parked, Renjun and Donghyuck bolted out of the car and ran full sprint to the beach side. Jeno grimaced at the scene and Mark almost dropped his camera when he saw Donghyuck and Renjun rolling on the sand like a dog. He closed his eyes and prayed to the man above for it to go well.

They settle down with 3 room, Renjun and Jeno together, the rest separated. The sane one—him and Jeno—placed down their belonging to the rooms and head down to ensure that the two other was-hopefully—still alive.

The first day passed like a blur, with a lot of water splashing to his body and a bright laugh that echoed all over the air. The sun burned on his skin, but it was defeated with how bright Donghyuck’s smile for the rest of the day. Donghyuck retired to his room earlier because his body is not strong enough after the nine-hour journey, but he demanded Mark to watch the sunrise with him. Mark agreed and closed Donghyuck’s door before went back to his own. He fell asleep that night with a hope for god to give the other boy happiness, and if sadness still lingers in his eyes; he prayed for god to give him whatever happiness is left on his heart.

When the morning came, Donghyuck knocked on his door at 4 am, dressed in an oversized sweater and pajama pants. Mark went out with messy hair and streaks on his cheek, which Donghyuck laughed about when he fixed the strands back to its place. The older shrugged a thick coat on their way out and Donghyuck muttered a small ‘thank you’. They paved their way to the beach and sat under the dark crimson sky in silence.

“What if I die tomorrow?” Donghyuck asked in between the ticking seconds, voice barely above whisper as if he was afraid god would hear it.

Mark stared at him fondly. “You won’t.”

“Well, you don’t know about it.” The younger said.

“You don’t either.” Mark ruffled his auburn hair. He smiled back and wished to the peeking sun behind the horizon like it was a falling star.

When the soft orang hue hit Donghyuck’s glowing skin, Mark burned with everything that came within and he basked it until his heart drenched in unending wants.

 

_

 

At noon, when the sun strike so high above the sky, Renjun pulled the other and shoved various kind of clams to their throat until none of them couldn’t take it anymore. Donghyuck muttered somewhere along: “You were showered with pennies that’s why you eat so much everytime.” Which Renjun retorted with, “it’s okay, Jeno would not bat an eye on it when we were married.”

From his seat, Jeno coughed on his coke, almost spurting it to Mark who was sitting in front of him. “I never said anything about marriage.”

That earned him a burning scalp from the Chinese and a snicker from Donghyuck.

When the sun went back to it’s throne on the west, they sat under the palm tree, humming along to Jeno’s guitar passages of Donghyuck’s favorite song by John Mayer. Mark linked his fingers to Donghyuck’s and smiled when the other turned around.

 _Oh can you do it baby?_ __  
Can you love me all the way?  
Will you tie me tight in little strands of paradise?  
Will you walk with me before the morning fades?

From the corner of his eyes, Donghyuck peeked how Jeno lovingly leaned down and planted a kiss on Renjun’s lips, eyes brimming with love. He leaned back and whispered on Mark’s ears about how disgusting the two were, bur Mark just laughed and tighten their intertwined fingers. _That’s the thing about love_ , mark thought to himself _. In the end, they all want a love that can stay._

“Hyuck, is there anything you want to do?” the silver haired boy out of four asked under the scattering stars. Renjun stared at him like he understands the concept of ticking time. Donghyuck grinned from his spot. “Nah, this is perfect.”

How could he ask for more than this? The universe is kind enough to give him more time to live, feeling Mark’s warmth against his cold, Jeno’s smile against his sadness, Renjun’s hope against his despair. No, he doesn’t want anything else. He doesn’t need it.

“Thank you so much for everything.” He whispered to no one. From his side, Jeno pulled him into a hug and whispered an unending thank you for being the brightest star on the universe. Renjun cried on his shoulder and told him that he is very grateful and how much it would hurt him to see Donghyuck go. Donghyuck shook his head and pulled the smaller closer, telling him that he wouldn’t go anywhere. If Donghyuck saw Mark wiping his tears away, he remained silent for the rest of the night.

the bonfire was lit up nearing midnight. And the same old same stupid Jeno Lee burned his lips when he shoved down the freshly burned marshmallow to his mouth. Renjun cooed at him and was about to kiss the pain away but Mark threw him the banana leaf slipper he was wearing. The Chinese tackled him down and soon they gone rolling on the sand, ignoring Donghyuck’s loud cheer and Jeno’s plead to stop.

“Hey, hyuck. Can I ask you something?” Jeno said while the other two was busy trying to drown each other on the shore. Donghyuck whipped his gaze back and nodded. “If you don’t want to answer it then don’t, okay?” he added.

We are all miracles searching for someone to believe in us. There’s so much unrealistic scenario in Donghyuck’s head about how someone would ask about this. But Jeno never crossed the list of _that someone._ He was too oblivious, a little bit too caring, and a little bit too good at reading people because, “You’re in love with him.”

That’s not a question, that was a statement. He didn’t even think twice before smiling. “Where is that idea coming from?” he asked back. Jeno shrugged on his seat and averted his gaze back to the shore. “You don’t look at us the way you look at him.”

Mark shoved Renjun down to the crashing wave, which erupted a groan from the smaller and he laughed, head thrown back, eyes crinkling, and shone brighter than the stars above. Donghyuck giggled at that, flower blooming on his heart.

“Oh yeah, maybe I do.”

Jeno smiled at the answer, eyes never leaving his lover that was drenched on the salty water. He patted on Donghyuck’s shoulder as he rose from his seat. “That’s good to hear. He would make you happy. There’s no one that could do it like him.” He brushed off the remaining sand on his pants and turned around to face Donghyuck for the last time.

“I would love to talk more but my boyfriend is shivering there and I wouldn’t want to catch a cold because I’m driving tomorrow.” He said. Donghyuck shushed him away with a smile that flatters the moment Jeno was step away.

_He already did. I was the one that couldn’t._

Renjun threw Mark a middle finger once he was on Jeno’s back, and the other cackled at that. The Chinese then waved his hand to Donghyuck, which he returned with the same gesture. Mark watched as the lover gone on the seemingly unending palm trees and jogged his way back to Donghyuck.

“Come, I want to show you something.” He pulled Donghyuck up and the other groaned, but comply anyway. The sand on their feet felt cold and the wind that blew was not really friendly, but the sound of waves rushing to the sand was so comforting that neither pay any attention to other things. Mark pulled him to the shore and Donghyuck whined when the cold water hit his feet.

“If you push me I will kill you.” The younger threatened. Mark laughed, head thrown back and it sounded so beautiful on Donghyuck’ ear, he thought he was insane. When the laughter died, Mark smiled warmly and guided his hand to the older’s shoulder. Donghyuck—instictly, grip on it. He tilted his head in confusion but Mark just shook his head and smiled without explanation.

When Mark placed his freezing hand on Donghyuck’s waist, he understood. The cold that was piercing his skin was soon to be replaced by the warmth of Mark’s burning gaze as he pulled their body closer. They began to swayed, left and right in a rhythmic Donghyuck never knew they knew. If anyone ever saw them, they would think that the both of them is insane for dancing in the middle of the night without any song, on the ocean to top it off.

“You’re beautiful.” Mark whispered, breath hitting Donghyuck’ face for the cause of their close distance. Eyes to eyes, heart to heart. Donghyuck’s own was held on his throat. “Really?” he whispered. _You should take a look at the mirror_ was swallowed down.

The boy hummed as a response, never breaking contact with Donghyuck’s eyes. The younger gulped and pulled their body closer. “Mark. Truth or dare?” he asked. Mark frowned a little, certainly not expecting the question, but he answered anyway. “Truth.”

“Do you want to kiss me?”

Silence fell upon them. Both’s movement stopped but eyes never leaving each other. The faint sound of waves crashing to the shore entered his senses, but all Donghyuck could heard was his own heartbeat. Mark stared at his eyes as if looking for a hint, for a promise of two love to become one.

“Dare.” Mark whispered.

“Kiss me.”

And there it was, the soft plush of Mark’s lips against his. It happened so sudden that Donghyuck felt like he was dreaming, but it didn’t prevent him from closing his eyes and looped his hand on Mark’s shoulder. The other pulled him closer, arms tightening on his waist and he squeezed it lightly, Donghyuck hoped it would leave a bruise.

The first breath he took was full of doubt and shaky with confusion, but as Mark nipped on his lower lips, it turned into assurance and warmth that tingles on his skin. It was nothing close from how Donghyuck imagined his first kiss would be. It was more teeth clashing to each other, but he found that it doesn’t really matter when Mark bit his lower lip a little bit harder, asking for a permission. Donghyuck parted his lips slightly and tilted his head. The feeling of a foreign tongue invaded his space, yet it made him moaned to the other’s mouth.

Mark nipped on his swollen lips, as if soothing the previous bite sting that felt way too good to be true. Donghyuck pressed on a part of the other’s nape and flushed their body even closer until there’s nothing left but skin to skin. Donghyuck thought he would never get enough of this, the feeling of Mark’s thin lips against his plush one. But there’s no time to think about that. He could do it later.

The older shifted one of his hand from Donghyuck’s waist to cupped his face. The cold skin sent shivers and jolted Donghyuck a little bit in surprise. Their lips parted for a second, before finding their way home again. There’s no words, no signs, no hints. But they knew. They both knew so much than the universe.

That night, under the dazzling moonlight, accompanied by the waves, Donghyuck was so bright that the stars could go blind, their feelings were so deep the ocean would drown. Together, it melted into the warmth of their burning hearts.

 

_

 

“Yes, get it, Mark!!!” Renjun cheered loudly behind the tree. Jeno pulled him and shushed the Chinese.

“Shut up, you’re too loud!”

But the boy didn’t even pay any attention to his boyfriend. Instead, he averted his gaze back to his two dumb friend and smirked.

“You owe me ten dollars!” He exclaimed excitedly. Jeno groaned in defeat.

 

_

 

Mark settled down on his dream to be a doctor at the age 18, on the early hour of his last year in high school. His future if perfectly mapped when he received an offer for a full scholarship of Medical studies as he backed down from the basketball team and hugged his Coach Na in grateful.

Renjun, not so surprisingly, aimed for the prestigious art school back on the rolling hills on the south province, with neat dresscode and high-fee tuition. His boyfriend, Jeno Lee, hide his face behind the book with ‘The Concept of Law’ written boldly on the cover and memorized half of their country’s minister fourth way through their last year.

He still fell into the routine of visiting his ex-desk mate on the hospital everyday, but this time with a book of Thyroid Healing instead of Le Petit Prince, and spent the rest of the evening talking about Health Diversity instead of the gossip from their school. Donghyuck, being an angel he is, nodded happily with every sentence being thrown from his mouth and praised him for being useful once.

“As I was saying, Mark. You should totally use that brilliant brain of yours somewhere instead of spending it at this disgusting place of hell.” Donghyuck told him one particular Thursday night, hinting of his sorry for keeping Mark too much on the hospital. Mark shook his head and smiled, “It’s okay. I like being here.”

“Because the nurses are enchanting with their tight uniform you didn’t even blinked when they were here?” The younger snarky commented.

Mark grinned in full force. “No, but the coffee on the cafeteria is pretty good.”

“Pft, sure.”

He laughed as he shifted on his chair, putting his 786-paged human’s anatomy book aside. “I mean it, you know. I found solace here, you don’t have to feel bad.”

Donghyuck pouted behind his oxygen mask, eyes dropping in sadness. “But still, I feel sorry for making you accompanying me every night when you should be on your bed instead.”

“Hey hyuck,” Mark took the younger’s hand and linked their fingers together, thumb lovingly stroking the other’s. “I want to do this, okay? It’s fine, I get to accompany you and study at the same time. I didn’t lose anything. So relax and stop sulking.”

But Donghyuck is Donghyuck, and he is only a little boy who dreamt about promising future behind those 173cm thin figure. Mark patted his auburn hair in reassurance and he dropped the topic almost immediately to the ground.

When the clock stroke 9, Mark packed his book to his bag and zipped it tight, catching Donghyuck’s attention from the TV. “Going home already?”

“I have exam tomorrow. History.” He groaned slightly at that. Cursed you Mr. Park.

The younger held on his wrist before he had the chance to walk away, resulting in him raising an eyebrow and a curious eye. “Can we play one round of truth or dare?”

Mark fell once again to the chair, eyes brimming with fondness as he swept Donghyuck’s hair from his forehead. “Hyuck, you know you can just ask me about anything right?” from the bed, Donghyuck shook his head. “Please.”

The older sighed, bags dropping to the floor and he reached out his arm. “Okay.”

Donghyuck gestured the action. They both count to three before Mark throwed out a rock, scissor on the other side. Donghyuck didn’t even try to conceal his disappointment. If Mark saw that, he didn’t say anything.

“Truth or Dare?” Mark asked.

“Truth.”

There’s so much question mark wanted to ask. How is it feel to be the most beautiful being in this world? What the world has done to deserve someone as bright as you? What do you see me as? How are you feeling today? What do you want to be in the future? Do you think we still have a chance? Those questions were swallowed down behind his head as he felt Donghyuck’s cold skin against his knuckles.

“What do you love the most about this life?”

Donghyuck, clearly, didn’t expect the question. But he smiled netherless and answered. “There’s a lot of thing. Like, the smell of rain, or the burning sunray on my skin. I like the rice cake in front of our school as well. I like the stars, the moon, the constellations. I love the ocean, the waves that crashing to the shore. I love your skin, it felt warm against the cold of mine. I like your smile, your stupid grin, your black messy hair when you swept it back.

For a long time, even before I knew it by myself, it’s you. It was always you, Mark.”

There’s no sadness on his eyes, only happiness and whatever remains on it. Mark envied him. How could he be this happy? Donghyuck deserve so much, much more than a limited air of chlorine and a lifetime on the hospital bed. He deserves a promising future and someone to love him until there’s nothing left to admire. He was mad, mad at the fate, mad at the universe, mad at life, at Donghyuck, and at himself for not being able to do anything. He swallowed down the lump on his throat and let Donghyuck’s hand away, picked up his bag and planted a chaste kiss on the younger’s forehead.

“See you tomorrow.” He said, walking to the door and hoping for the younger to never catch the tears brimming on his eyes.

The tomorrow mark meant never came. He received no Friday night call from Donghyuck and drowned himself in his math homework for hours until he fell asleep on his desk. When the sun came up on the early hour of a new day, he received a call from Renjun to come to the hospital.

Donghyuck, once again, were transferred to the ICU and the young doctor told his parents and the other that this may be the last straw. They stopped prescribing medicines to the boy and quit all kind of the weekly therapy. Mrs. Lee broke down in tears on his husband’s embrace and Mark bit his lips so hard it almost breaks.

On Tuesday, he received his history exam and failed with the score of ‘56’. He tore the paper and threw it into the bin. For the rest of the week, Mark spent more time on the hospital than his own home, breathed to the smell of antiseptic instead of the summer breeze, waiting with no guarantee outside the tightly locked room.

A week later, the now familiar young doctor told them to be prepared and gave Donghyuck’s parents a permission to enter the room. Mark sit outside with Jeno as Renjun plead so hard to the doctor to let be entered. Jeno rubbed on his nape comfortingly and sighed. “lung cancer. Did you know about this?” The younger asked.

“No. I don’t really want to know.” Mark tried so hard to erase the image of Donghyuck on his bed, breathing through his oxygen mask and IV on his veins. He shut his eyes tighter when he was reminded by his dreams and blamed the universe for doing nothing but to watch the love that does not became one.

“Go home, Mark. You stayed long enough. Me and Jeno are staying in tonight.” Renjun said to him outside the ICU room. The Chinese plopped himself beside Mark and rubbed his tense shoulder. “He is going to be fine.”

From the other side, Jeno nodded his head silently. But Mark didn’t go home that night, and Donghyuck didn’t get fine either. When the autumn rolled in, Donghyuck were still unconscious and were moved to the medical ward. Mark visited everyday after school, sometimes with flower, sometimes with chocolate pudding that would left untouched by the next day he came and he threw it out on the trash can. On the weekends, Renjun and Jeno, as well as few of their classmate visited and wished Donghyuck a get well soon cards. Mark thanked them on Donghyuck’s behalf and put the papers aside to the drawer.

Some other day, he would just sit beside the bed and held the younger’s hand for god knows how long before bring it up to his lips and kissed the cold knuckle, wondering if it would ever turn warm. The other times, he would read a book to the sleeping boy as he dreamt about the scenario of Donghyuck waking up and throwing a snarky comment to him for being so sappy.

That scenario, unfortunately, never turned into a reality. But dreams do come true, after all. By the time of the last leaf fell down on the late autumn, Donghyuck passed away the reminiscent of his summer scent and laugh that echoed through the empty hospital aisle. Mark didn’t attend his funeral and gathered the remaining belongings of the boy that was left on his bedroom and sent it back to Donghyuck’s address, wondering if he would ever get the empty feeling out from his heart and his entire being. He received a notebook on his mailbox two days later and cried himself to sleep until he could feel nothing but Donghyuck’s burning touch on his skin.

_

_March, 28._

_The old doctor told me that I have a fucking lung cancer. That was probably the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I didn’t smoke, nor my parents. What have I done to deserve this kind of thing? God, if I ever sinned please forgive me._

_May, 4_

_I’m still having a hard time accepting that I’m approaching my death soon. I still went everyday the same, I still laugh the same, still eat the same, talk the same. The only thing that’s different is that my time is ticking and running out. So I tried to do everything I could before I couldn’t. I couldn’t bear the pain, not the one on my lungs, but the one on my heart. I may wouldn’t write for some time since I I’ll be spending the rest of the year in the hospital._

 

_January, 10._

_Today was the first day of high school. Mom told me I should still come to school even though I may be dropping out very soon, so I agreed. It’s still better than spending my time in my death bed anyway. The great Mark lee from Canada was in the same class with me. Renjun too. I ate Mark’s pudding on lunch time and it tasted pretty great. Jeno was staring at Renjun the whole time I almost spurted my coke to his face. So whipped._

_January 15._

_Doctor said that I have a small internal bleeding and need to stay home for a couple days. I told him that I was fine but he prescribed me even more medicines. Cursed that old man. Oh, mom also cooked samgyetang today, but it was too bland._

_March, 17_

_Mark Lee from Canada went on about the human’s anatomy for more than a hundred times today. My head hurts so much I wanted to slap him and myself. Also, he invited me to his game tomorrow. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I wouldn’t make it, so I agreed anyway. I’m really sorry for that. I wish he win the game._

_P.s. Donghyuck you coward._

_March, 18_

_I didn’t come to the game, but Renjun messaged me that the team won, courtesy to my prayer. Jeno called me once but I didn’t pick up the phone because I was busy coughing blood #dopelife. I stayed at the hospital and chugged down the pills for seemingly a hundred times. Mark didn’t text me yet but I hope he do._

_Reminder; tell mark you are sorry and buy him an ice cream._

_April, 1_

_I came across Mark at the hospital today and had no choice but to tell him that I am sick. I was about to pretend that I lost my memory but to think about it, that is too dramatic. He didn’t ask about it, so I feel relieved and confused at the same time. I might break down crying like a baby if he ever asked. This life is so embarrassing; the universe is so unkind._

_April, 7_

_Things to do before I die:_

  1. _~~Get a tattoo.~~_
  2. _~~Score at least 80 on my science exam.~~_
  3. _~~Overnight trip to the south.~~_
  4. _~~Do things I shouldn’t do with a boy that isn’t my boyfriend.~~_
  5. _~~Robbed a bank.~~_



__

_p.s. thanks mark_

_November, 24_

_I didn’t get the chance to ask the question, but he kissed my forehead and said, “see you tomorrow.” If tomorrow ever come, I hope he pass his history exam, he sucks at that subject._

_November, 25_

_I removed his number from my phone and let it away as I close my eyes. I shouldn’t have felt what I felt and he shouldn’t there where he was. In the end, his name still sounds like a thousand goodbyes being said all at once._

_

 

When the last book was finally in the box, mark sighed and looked outside the window. The rain has poured for some time, but the cold hasn't touched his skin yet. He taped the box and shifted it to Jisung's side. "This is the last one. I will take care of the one in the back so you should pack and go home soon."

On his last semester of the third year in high school, the principal decided to shut down their library and assigned him—the council president and the previous librarian—to help the library committee packed down the books and managed the process. That's probably what happens when the old style of books was replaced by the unending technology development such internet and e-books.

It's such a waste, Mark thinks. Their library is the perfect place for some quiet time in the midst of high school's hectic. But he shrugged the useless thought and wrote a ‘987' on the box to signify the book's code; which stands for historic books category.

"Hyung, you should take a look at this." Jisung scooted closer and showed him a card from the stack of similar paper on his hand. It was the card from the library book, which students should fill with their name and class every time they borrowed it. Mark frowned and took the card on his hand. "I tried to find this book but I couldn't. I've been searching every aisle for a week now. Maybe it fell down when…"

Frankly, Mark couldn't hear what Jisung said more because his eyes fixed on the big drawing of sun on the middle of the card. It's written with a very sparkly yellow ink that somehow felt so familiar. His mind went into a moment of stop, before he snapped and everything clicked so fast on his entire life. Somewhere far away, he could hear his own voice.

_"You shouldn't be drawing on that card. It's a violation against the rule."_

_"Loosen up, Canada."_

He rose from his seat hurriedly and ran to the library storage. He faintly heard Jisung's startled voice, "Hyung! Where are you going?!" Mark, of course, ignored it and fasten his steps.

He fumbled to open the door and when he did, he tumbled into the third aisle of the storage, rambling around the section ‘876', the novel section. He rummaged through the seemingly endless books until his hand brushed into a white covered novel, ‘Le Petit Prince' written boldly on the front part. Mark held it on his hand for a long time, wondering about how disappointed he would be if he thought wrong and find nothing inside. The thought was dismissed when he opened the first page of the book and a yellow envelope fell to the floor from it. Mark's heart stopped for what seems like forever before he picked it up and ran back to the library front desk. He packed his bag and put the letter inside.

With that, Mark opened the library door and soon he gone, wet under the drizzling downpour and Jisung’s scream in confusion and worries were dismissed behind the sound of the rain hitting the concrete.

The next ten hours, Mark was unreachable. Jisung phoned Renjun about his antics and hoped the older could find Mark—hopefully alive somewhere, where the memories of a boy who outshone the sun remained thick in the lingering air. When the sun rolled down to its horizon and the night fell, Renjun found him on the river side of Han and pulled the crying boy into his embrace. His hand locked into Mark's, feeling the rough edges of a crumpled yellow paper poking on his palm and he squeezed tighter. Renjun let Mark cried on his shoulder. Tears wetting the satin material of his coat as he rubbed Mark's shoulder to comfort the pain of losing that merged on every single being of Mark's insanity. He kept his lips tight and let Mark's sob filled the cold night of September.

_

 

“You love him.”

“That’s the thing, Renjun,” Mark stared at the millions stars. “It’s impossible not to.”

 

_

 

**_To Mark._ **

**_By the time you found this letter, I should’ve been gone for a long time. You are so slow sometimes; did you know that?_ **

**_Before everything, I want to say I’m sorry that I couldn’t grace your life with my presence anymore. I know, I know, it’s such a waste. You haven’t even had the chance to see the greatest of me yet. But Mark, I believe this life has so much more waiting for you rather than just a sick classmate and his hard-to-keep-up attitude. Regardless, I know both you and I treasure everything we had more than anything._ **

**_The night on my hospital room, when I asked you to play the last truth or dare, I realized that I’ve used all my luck left and exchanged it for more time to spent with you. Perhaps, god is tired of my constant wishes and he dismissed my hope to ask you the question that has been lingering on my mind for some time now._ **

**_Mark, would the feeling went away with me when I’m gone? Or would it still flamed in your heart even though the bed I were in now turned cold later? Why did you never ask about how I feel? About me, about you, and about us? Is it because you knew from the start that I would be gone by a time in the future? Is it because you are afraid of whatever coming to us that you decided to keep your lips tight and stand by my side for the remaining time of my life?_ **

**_In some other words, I’m really grateful for you. For helping me doing things I couldn’t do by myself, and for being there through the hardest time of my life._ **

**_Mark Minhyung Lee, the boy who is always uptight for every rules and are always slapped the back of my head on Math class, thank you. Thank you for everything and for the time I got to spend with you. Thank you for fulfilling my last wishes, I wouldn’t have made it if it weren’t by your help. I’m really sorry to announce that there is no more me to steal your chocolate pudding on lunch time. I hope you stop expecting a call every Friday night, my number is long unused, you know? I also hope you pass your history exam and graduate, settle for your dream. And when the time has come, I hope you fall in love beautifully, unendingly, eternally._ **

**Author's Note:**

> and that's a wrap! thank you for making it to the end. i rushed this fic in about one week and i'm pretty satisfied with how it turned out. i hope you do as well! kudos and comments are appreciated! 
> 
> hit me up [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/sugarhyuck) [twt](https://twitter.com/sfhyuck)


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